B’nai Mitzvah

What is the difference between “becoming a bar/bat mitzvah” and “being bar/bat mitzvahed?” Bar/bat mitzvah are not events or ceremonies and they are more than a graduation ceremony. Literally, “son or daughter of the commandment,” bar/bat mitzvah is what young people become when they turn thirteen. In the eyes of the Jewish community, they become responsible for the mitzvot, they become obligated not only to live a Jewish life but to sanctify life.

Bar/bat mitzvah preparation focuses heavily on skill acquisition- synagogue skills, Hebrew language, Torah chanting, etc. These fundamentals are essential for a child to fully participate in adult Jewish life. The bar/bat mitzvah also usually involves a family simha (celebration). But more than any one skill or any of the party details, bar/bat mitzvah is the confirmation of character development, a window to the sacred. In the words of Rabbi Neil Kurshan, author of Raising Your Child to Be a Mensch:

I have often marveled at the transformation which a bar or bat mitzvah can bring about in the life of a thirteen-year-old, who for the first time leads part of the service, shares in the religious honors reserved for adults, and speaks to all assembled about the significance of the occasion. Contrary to popular impression, the ceremony does not transform a thirteen-year-old into an adult overnight. After the bar mitzvah a parent still lives with an adolescent who has to be reminded to clean up his or her room, to do his or her homework, and to help around the house. At its best, however, the bar mitzvah demonstrates both to the thirteen-year-old and to all those present that a young person is growing toward adulthood and toward responsibility and obligations to a broader community.

Our hope, here at Beth El, is that becoming a bar/bat mitzvah marks an important turning point in a young person’s life and in the life of his/her family. By participating fully in the many opportunities our program offers (the TaRBuT Parent’s Hour, TaRBuT Retreat, Beit Midrash Program, private meetings with the rabbis and cantors, etc.), we hope that the bar/bat mitzvah process is experienced as exhilarating rather than exhausting, enriching rather than expensive, full of meaning rather than empty of spirit.